If you’re a fan of stand-up comedy or just love a good laugh, comedian puns are a fantastic way to add humor to any conversation.
If you’re looking for clever one-liners to impress your friends or need the perfect punchline for your own routine, these puns will not disappoint.
From quick-witted quips to hilarious wordplay, there’s something for everyone. So sit back, relax, and prepare to laugh with some of the best comedian puns out there.
Letās dive into a world where humor reigns supreme!
Stand-up Comedy Jokes One-liners
- Why did the comedian bring a ladder on stage? To reach new heights in comedy.
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
- I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands. Much easier.
- Iām reading a book on anti-gravity. Itās impossible to put down!
- My math teacher called me average. How mean!
- I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough. It crumbled.
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They donāt have the guts.
- I’m terrible at my job as a carpenter. I always screw things up!
- I tried to start a band with some piano players. It didnāt scale.
- I have a fear of speed bumps. But Iām slowly getting over it.
- I told my friend 10 jokes to make him laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
- Iām on a whiskey diet. Iāve lost three days already.
- Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish.
- I used to be a computer programmer, but I couldn’t find the right code. I was stuck in a loop.
- I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
- Iām addicted to brake fluid. But I can stop whenever I want.
- I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
- I called my boss to say Iām sick. Iām feeling āpun-der the weather!ā
- I wanted to be a comedian but couldnāt make it. I guess I wasnāt funny enough for the pun-ishment.
- Why donāt some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships donāt work out.
Best Picks:
- “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.” This is a hilarious play on the common expression “look surprised.”
- “I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands. Much easier.” This one is a great example of wordplay, flipping the idiom in a funny way.
Stand-up Comedy Jokes for School
- Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
- I canāt trust an atom. They make up everything!
- Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses? Because her students were so bright!
- Why donāt students ever trust a pencil? Because it has a point, but it canāt draw a conclusion.
- I donāt know why I was kicked out of school. I guess I was a class clown.
- My history teacher is always making jokes. Heās such a real comic book historian.
- Why was the student always calm? Because they were on a roll.
- I tried to tell a joke about chemistry to my teacher. But I got no reaction.
- Why donāt we ever tell secrets in a cornfield? Because the corn has ears!
- I asked my friend to stop singing in class. He was off-key and off-topic.
- Iām trying to get into a good school, but the competition is āknotā easy. Iām all tied up with worries.
- I failed my geography test. I just couldnāt find the right direction.
- Whatās a skeletonās least favorite room? The living room!
- I tried to make a pun about chemistry. But it didnāt bond well.
- Iām on a seafood diet at school. I see food, and I eat it.
- Why are math teachers so good at relationships? They know how to solve problems.
- I told the librarian a joke, but she didnāt laugh. She said it was too ābookedā for comedy.
- I told my classmate I was good at running. He didnāt believe meāhe thought I was just āsprintingā lies.
- Why did the student bring a broom to school? Because they wanted to sweep the tests.
- I couldnāt find my report card. I guess I lost my āgradeā of confidence.
Best Picks:
- “Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.” A great pun that combines a literal and figurative meaning.
- “I tried to tell a joke about chemistry to my teacher. But I got no reaction.” A clever play on the scientific reaction term.
Short Jokes About Comedians
- Why did the comedian bring a notebook to dinner? To write down his āfood for thought.ā
- My friend became a comedian after he lost his job. Now heās working on his punchlines.
- I donāt trust jokes about the ocean. Theyāre all wet.
- Why did the comedian go to the doctor? He had too many ālaughā lines.
- I asked the comedian for a good joke. He said, āGive me a minute, Iām working on my punchline.ā
- Why donāt comedians ever fight each other? They know how to āknotā get into trouble.
- The comedian was always late. He had to āmake a pun-ishmentā for himself.
- Why do comedians prefer Twitter? Because theyāre great at one-liners.
- I tried to write a stand-up routine. But I couldnāt get past the opening line.
- My comedian friend said his jokes are all āin the bag.ā I told him, āThatās some heavy humor!ā
- Why did the comedian go to therapy? To work through his set-back.
- I told a joke about a pencil to a comedian. It was pointless.
- Why do comedians love the dark? Itās a great place to find new ālightā material.
- My comedian friend says heās going to take a break. He needs some āme-timeā for his punchlines.
- I asked the comedian for a quick joke. He said, āIām busy, Iām pun-der pressure.ā
- Why did the comedian study music? To hit the right notes in humor.
- I met a comedian who was also a chef. His humor was always well-seasoned.
- Why donāt comedians get nervous? They have a lot of stage āpun-ishment.ā
- I asked a comedian for advice on humor. He told me to āstick to the punchline.ā
- What did the comedian say after a long day? āIām all set for another round of laughs.ā
Best Picks:
- “Why did the comedian go to the doctor? He had too many ālaughā lines.” This clever joke plays on both wrinkles and humorous lines.
- “My comedian friend said his jokes are all āin the bag.ā I told him, āThatās some heavy humor!ā” A fun take on bagged jokes with a weighty twist.
Comedians Jokes One-liners
- Iām no good at stand-up comedy. I just keep falling down.
- I love to tell jokes, but my friends donāt get them. I guess Iām a āpunā-isher.
- Why donāt comedians tell secrets in a bakery? Because they canāt keep it āunder wraps.ā
- The comedian brought a map on stage. He wanted to find the āpunchline.ā
- Comedians are great at keeping secrets. They know how to āhold the punchline.ā
- Why do comedians love making mistakes? Because they get to ārecoverā with a joke.
- I donāt like telling jokes about gardening. Theyāre too āplant-astic.ā
- The comedian joined the circus. He wanted to be a āstand-upā acrobat.
- My comedian friend got arrested. Apparently, he was caught ācrackingā too many jokes.
- I love telling jokes about my pets. Theyāre paws-itively hilarious!
- Why do comedians carry bags? To ācarryā the punchlines with them.
- The comedian forgot his jokes. It was a real āset-back.ā
- I donāt trust jokes about the moon. Theyāre out of this world!
- Comedians hate bad reviews. They just donāt āpun-derstandā the feedback.
- I asked a comedian for a funny story. He said, āIām still āworkingā on it.ā
- The comedian was upset. He said his humor was āoffbeat.ā
- Why donāt comedians trust stairs? Because theyāre always up to something.
- I told a joke about a pencil. It was drawn out too much.
- Why do comedians love coffee? Because itās āgroundsā for a great show.
- Comedians always carry a backup joke. Just in case they need a āpun-ishment.ā
Best Picks:
- “Iām no good at stand-up comedy. I just keep falling down.” A simple, yet effective joke about the pitfalls of performing.
- “The comedian joined the circus. He wanted to be a āstand-upā acrobat.” A clever wordplay blending stand-up comedy and circus acts.
Best Stand-up Comedy Jokes
- Iām reading a book on anti-gravity. Itās impossible to put down!
- I told my computer I needed a break. Now it wonāt stop sending me ads for vacations.
- I told my friend 10 jokes to make him laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
- Why was the broom late? It swept in!
- I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says Iām OK, but I feel like Iāve dyed a little inside.
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They donāt have the guts.
- I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. But Iām still rising to the occasion.
- I used to be a baker, but I couldnāt make enough dough. It crumbled.
- Iām reading a book about anti-gravity. Itās impossible to put down.
- I didnāt want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop. But when I got home all the signs were there.
- I made a pun about the wind. But it was really just a breeze.
- I tried to start a joke about construction. But Iām still working on it.
- Why donāt oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish.
- Why donāt eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up!
- I had a joke about a broken pencil. But itās pointless.
- I told my friend to stop impersonating a flamingo. He had to put his foot down.
- I used to play piano by ear. But now I play it by hand.
- I tried to make a pun about chemistry. But I had no reaction.
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Best Picks:
- “Why donāt skeletons fight each other? They donāt have the guts.” A great and simple pun thatās funny and relatable.
- “I didnāt want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop. But when I got home all the signs were there.” A pun that plays on traffic signs, with a surprising twist!
Comedy Jokes Lines
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
- I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough. It crumbled.
- Iām addicted to brake fluid. But I can stop whenever I want.
- I called my boss to say Iām sick. Iām feeling āpun-der the weather!ā
- I have a fear of speed bumps. But Iām slowly getting over it.
- I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
- I wanted to be a comedian but couldnāt make it. I guess I wasnāt funny enough for the pun-ishment.
- I tried to start a band with some piano players. It didnāt scale.
- Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish.
- I tried to make a pun about chemistry. But it didnāt bond well.
- I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands. Much easier.
- Why donāt skeletons fight each other? They donāt have the guts.
- I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
- Iām terrible at my job as a carpenter. I always screw things up!
- I told my friend I was going to get rich and quit my job. He said, āYouāre a pun-sider.ā
- Iām on a whiskey diet. Iāve lost three days already.
- I tried to tell a joke about chemistry to my teacher. But I got no reaction.
- I have a fear of speed bumps. But Iām slowly getting over it.
- Why did the comedian bring a ladder on stage? To reach new heights in comedy.
- I once had a job as a professional cricket player. But it was a real stinger.
Best Picks:
- “I called my boss to say Iām sick. Iām feeling āpun-der the weather!ā” This one works great for the play on weather-related terms.
- “I have a fear of speed bumps. But Iām slowly getting over it.” A nice and subtle pun using “getting over” in two different contexts.
Stand-up Comedy Jokes for Adults
- Why donāt skeletons fight each other? They donāt have the guts.
- I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
- Iām on a whiskey diet. Iāve lost three days already.
- Why donāt oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish.
- I canāt trust an atom. They make up everything.
- I used to play piano by ear. But now I use my hands.
- Why donāt some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships donāt work out.
- Iām terrible at my job as a carpenter. I always screw things up!
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
- I tried to tell a joke about chemistry. But I got no reaction.
- I wanted to be a comedian but couldnāt make it. I guess I wasnāt funny enough for the pun-ishment.
- I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
- Iām reading a book on anti-gravity. Itās impossible to put down!
- I donāt trust jokes about the ocean. Theyāre all wet.
- I used to be a baker, but I couldnāt make enough dough. It crumbled.
- I tried to tell a joke about a pencil to a comedian. It was pointless.
- Why did the comedian bring a ladder on stage? To reach new heights in comedy.
- Iām addicted to brake fluid. But I can stop whenever I want.
- I have a fear of speed bumps. But Iām slowly getting over it.
- I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
Best Picks:
- “Iām on a whiskey diet. Iāve lost three days already.” This one is great for its play on the idea of losing weight, but with a hilarious twist.
- “I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.” A perfect short, clever pun that works for a quick laugh.
Best Comedian Puns Reddit
- Iām addicted to brake fluid. But I can stop whenever I want.
- I donāt trust jokes about the ocean. Theyāre all wet.
- I used to play piano by ear. But now I play it by hand.
- I told my friend 10 jokes to make him laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
- Why was the broom late? It swept in!
- I once had a job as a professional cricket player. But it was a real stinger.
- I tried to make a pun about chemistry. But it didnāt bond well.
- I used to be a baker, but I couldnāt make enough dough. It crumbled.
- Why donāt oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish.
- I tried to start a band with some piano players. It didnāt scale.
- Why donāt some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships donāt work out.
- I have a fear of speed bumps. But Iām slowly getting over it.
- Iām reading a book on anti-gravity. Itās impossible to put down!
- I tried to tell a joke about a pencil to a comedian. It was pointless.
- I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
- I donāt trust jokes about the moon. Theyāre out of this world!
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
- Why did the comedian bring a ladder on stage? To reach new heights in comedy.
- I have a fear of speed bumps. But Iām slowly getting over it.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Best Picks:
- “I used to play piano by ear. But now I play it by hand.” A clever twist that brings the common phrase to life with humor.
- “I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.” This is a brilliant example of a simple but effective pun.
Best Comedian Puns in English
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They donāt have the guts.
- Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
- Why donāt oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish.
- Why donāt we ever tell secrets in a cornfield? Because the corn has ears!
- Why did the comedian bring a notebook to dinner? To write down his āfood for thought.ā
- I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands. Much easier.
- I tried to make a pun about chemistry. But it didnāt bond well.
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- I once had a job as a professional cricket player. But it was a real stinger.
- I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
- Iām on a whiskey diet. Iāve lost three days already.
- Iām terrible at my job as a carpenter. I always screw things up!
- Iām reading a book on anti-gravity. Itās impossible to put down!
- I wanted to be a comedian but couldnāt make it. I guess I wasnāt funny enough for the pun-ishment.
- I have a fear of speed bumps. But Iām slowly getting over it.
- Why was the broom late? It swept in!
- I used to be a baker, but I couldnāt make enough dough. It crumbled.
- Why donāt we ever tell secrets in a cornfield? Because the corn has ears!
- I tried to make a pun about chemistry. But I had no reaction.
Best Picks:
- “I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands. Much easier.” This is a classic pun that flips an idiom in a hilarious way.
- “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.” A well-loved joke that works perfectly with the play on words!
