Get ready to shaken, not stirred with ‘James Bond Puns: A Spy’s Guide to Hilarious One-Liners!
If you’re a 007 superfan or just love a good spy joke, these puns will have you laughing like a villain on the receiving end of a Bond quip.
From tuxedo jokes to secret agent snickers, these one-liners will give you all the spy-tacular humor you need.
So, grab your martini, don your best suit, and prepare for some top-secret laughs that are as smooth as Bond himself!
James Bond Name Puns
- I told Bond to stop playing poker. He’s always bluffing!
- Bond walks into a bakery. He says, ‘I’ll take the Bond-cakes, please!’
- Do you know what Bond calls his favorite coffee? A ‘Bond-mocha.’
- I asked Bond if he wanted a sandwich. He said, ‘I’ll take it shaken, not stirred.’
- What did Bond name his new puppy? ‘Bond-paw.’
- Why doesn’t Bond ever play hide and seek? Because no one can find him – he’s always undercover!
- Did you hear that Bond joined the orchestra? He plays the Bond-clarinet.
- Why did Bond refuse to leave the bakery? He was in the middle of a ‘Bond-roll’ sale!
- Bond’s new workout? ‘Bonding’ with the weights.
- What did Bond name his new band? ‘The Bond-its.’
- Bond was caught using a secret pen. It was a Bond-pen.
- What’s Bond’s favorite clothing brand? ‘Bond-gear.’
- Bond’s favorite bread? A ‘Bond-ini’ loaf.
- Did you hear about Bond’s bakery? It’s called ‘Shaken Not Stirred’ treats.
- What’s Bond’s preferred type of fruit? A Bond-berry.
- Bond tried a new type of cake. It was the ‘Bond-cake.’
- Why did Bond become a hairdresser? He’s great with ‘Bond-styling.’
- How did Bond get into yoga? He’s all about ‘Bonding’ with his body.
- What does Bond call his secret club? The Bond-collective.
- Bond’s new bar? ‘The Bond-House’ – It’s always shaken, not stirred.
Best Picks:
- “I told Bond to stop playing poker. He’s always bluffing!“
- “What did Bond name his new puppy? ‘Bond-paw.’“
- “Did you hear that Bond joined the orchestra? He plays the Bond-clarinet.“
James Bond One-Liners
- Bond walks into a room and says, “I’m shaken, not stirred, but still ready for action!”
- “I don’t always trust Bond, but when I do, it’s because he has ‘license to thrill.'”
- “Bond doesn’t take naps. He just waits until the next mission to ‘sleep with the enemy.’”
- “You don’t want to mess with Bond – he’s got a license to kill…with humor!“
- “Bond’s favorite dessert? Tiramisu, shaken, not stirred.“
- “When Bond dances, he doesn’t need a partner; he’s always in the lead.“
- “Bond doesn’t drink wine; he prefers it shaken, not aged.“
- “Bond never panics. He just recalculates his course in style.”
- “Bond only uses one word when he’s mad: ‘Martini.’“
- “What does Bond call a boring day? An ‘un-007’ day.“
- “When Bond cooks, it’s always a ‘007-course meal.’“
- “Bond doesn’t sleep, he just snores with a purpose.”
- “Bond can’t be beat at chess. He’s always three moves ahead.“
- “When Bond’s in the room, the party is always 007 degrees cooler.“
- “Bond doesn’t need a cape to be heroic. His tuxedo does the talking.“
- “Bond always gets the last word… with style and precision.“
- “Bond never worries about technology. He’s the gadget.“
- “When Bond tells a joke, it’s a mission accomplished.“
- “Why does Bond love gadgets? Because they’re always ‘007-ready.’“
- “Bond’s idea of relaxation? A pool table and a martini.“
Best Picks:
- “Bond doesn’t take naps. He just waits until the next mission to ‘sleep with the enemy.’”
- “When Bond dances, he doesn’t need a partner; he’s always in the lead.“
- “What does Bond call a boring day? An ‘un-007’ day.“
James Bond Puns Reddit
- “I just tried a new Bond film-inspired cocktail. It was a ‘007-shot’ of greatness.“
- “Bond might be the best agent, but he’s also known for his shaken humor.”
- “Bond walked into a coffee shop. They named the drink after him: The Bond Espresso.”
- “Bond’s favorite workout? The Bond-burn.”
- “Bond can’t decide between pasta or pizza. So he goes for ‘spaghetti with a side of Bond.“
- “Bond doesn’t use GPS – he’s always ‘on track’ with his instincts.“
- “Bond only wears sunglasses when it’s sunny or when he’s in ‘stealth mode.’“
- “When Bond orders dessert, it’s never just a cake. It’s a Bond-slice.“
- “Bond doesn’t take vacations. He ‘relaxes’ in style.”
- “Bond’s idea of a good time? A ‘mission’ in the mountains.“
- “Bond’s morning routine? He wakes up shaken and stirred.“
- “Bond’s sense of humor is so sharp, it should be classified as ‘007 wit.’“
- “Bond’s watch is always 007 minutes ahead. Time waits for no one, but Bond.“
- “Bond never gets cold. He’s always 007 degrees cool.“
- “Bond doesn’t eat burgers; he enjoys ‘007-bites’ of everything.“
- “Bond does yoga, but only ‘007 stretches.’“
- “Bond’s dog is never just a dog. It’s a Bond-dog.“
- “Bond’s calendar is filled with important dates. Except when he’s on a secret mission!“
- “Bond plays video games, but only 007 ones.”
- “Bond doesn’t drive; he ‘007-cruises.’“
Best Picks:
- “Bond’s favorite workout? The Bond-burn.”
- “Bond only wears sunglasses when it’s sunny or when he’s in ‘stealth mode.’“
- “Bond’s morning routine? He wakes up shaken and stirred.“
55 Greatest James Bond One-Liners
- “Bond can never be outdone. He’s the top of the food chain.”
- “Bond never apologizes, but when he does, it’s always in high style.“
- “You can’t outsmart Bond. He knows all the moves.”
- “Bond doesn’t let anyone tell him no. He’s always on a secret mission.”
- “Bond’s favorite dance move? The ‘007-step.’“
- “When Bond plays cards, he never cheats. He just wins.“
- “Bond doesn’t work on weekends. He works on global dominance.”
- “Bond’s idea of taking a break is a martini in a tuxedo.“
- “Bond isn’t afraid of heights. He just enjoys the view.”
- “Bond doesn’t get scared. He just takes action.”
- “Bond doesn’t need a manual. He’s the blueprint.“
- “Bond doesn’t need luck. He has strategy.”
- “Bond’s vacation spots? Wherever the mission leads.“
- “Bond can’t live without his gadgets. They’re his ‘007 companions.’“
- “Bond doesn’t plan vacations. He plans missions.“
- “Bond doesn’t get nervous. He thrives under pressure.“
- “Bond’s car? It’s always a ‘007-ride.’“
- “Bond doesn’t need to work hard to get noticed. He just walks into the room.“
- “Bond’s favorite sport? 007-ball.“
- “Bond’s idea of stress relief? A good mission and a drink.“
Best Picks:
- “When Bond plays cards, he never cheats. He just wins.“
- “Bond’s idea of taking a break is a martini in a tuxedo.“
- “Bond doesn’t need luck. He has strategy.“
James Bond Quotes Funny
- “Bond says, ‘I don’t always have time for a joke, but when I do, it’s 007-ready.’“
- “Bond’s idea of a good time? A mission with a side of humor.“
- “Bond doesn’t have a favorite saying. He just ‘does it’ with style.“
- “Bond’s motto? ‘Be smooth, be cool, be Bond.’”
- “Bond’s favorite comedy show? Anything with a tuxedo and martini in it.“
- “Bond doesn’t tell jokes. He delivers punchlines.“
- “Bond doesn’t need humor classes. He teaches them.“
- “Bond’s joke of the day: ‘How do you like your martini? Shaken, not stirred.’“
- “Bond never forgets a joke. He remembers every mission’s punchline.“
- “Bond’s favorite holiday? ‘Shaken, not stirred’ day.“
- “Bond doesn’t speak in riddles. He speaks in humor-filled action.“
- “Bond doesn’t watch funny movies. He lives them.“
- “Bond’s humor is lethal. His puns are weapons of choice.“
- “Bond’s love life? A series of ‘007-couples’ and one-liners.“
- “Bond’s catchphrase? ‘License to thrill’ – and tell jokes.“
- “Bond can’t tell a lie. But his humor? Always 007-approved.“
- “Bond’s punchlines are so smooth, they’re practically 007-slips.“
- “Bond’s favorite comedy? ‘Martinis and Mischief.’“
- “Bond doesn’t crack under pressure. He cracks jokes.“
- “Bond never runs out of jokes, he just runs out of martinis.“
Best Picks:
- “Bond’s motto? ‘Be smooth, be cool, be Bond.’“
- “Bond’s favorite comedy show? Anything with a tuxedo and martini in it.“
- “Bond doesn’t speak in riddles. He speaks in humor-filled action.“
James Bond Quotes About Life
- “Bond believes in living life in the fast lane, and that includes a martini in hand.”
- “Bond says, ‘Life’s too short for bad jokes, so I always deliver with style.’“
- “Bond’s motto on life: ‘You only live once, but I live twice as cool.’“
- “Bond knows life is about taking chances, and taking martinis.“
- “Bond’s secret to life? ‘Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and your martini colder.’“
- “Bond’s advice on life: ‘Never settle for less than a shaken cocktail and an exciting mission.’“
- “Life’s a game of poker, says Bond, ‘But I always have the winning hand.’“
- “Bond’s life advice? ‘Always be prepared, always be cool, and never forget your gadgets.’“
- “For Bond, life is about the journey, not the destination, unless the destination involves a yacht and a villain.’“
- “Bond’s perspective on life: ‘It’s better to be feared than loved… but a little bit of both never hurt.’“
- “Bond believes that life is for the daring, so he takes risks with a smile.”
- “Bond’s philosophy? ‘I live for the moment, and sometimes for the explosion.’“
- “Bond on life: ‘A good life is like a good mission – it’s all about the thrill.’“
- “Bond’s idea of a perfect day? ‘Mission accomplished, martini in hand.’“
- “Bond says, ‘Life’s a game, but I prefer to be the dealer.’“
- “Bond’s life advice: ‘When in doubt, just add more gadgets.’“
- “Bond believes in living life ‘shaken, not stirred.’“
- “Bond says, ‘I’m not just surviving, I’m thriving with style.’“
- “Bond’s thoughts on life? ‘There’s no such thing as too much adventure.’“
- “Bond’s guide to life? ‘Live with purpose, laugh with intent, and always outsmart the villain.’“
Best Picks:
- “Bond’s life advice? ‘Always be prepared, always be cool, and never forget your gadgets.’“
- “For Bond, life is about the journey, not the destination, unless the destination involves a yacht and a villain.’“
- “Bond believes in living life ‘shaken, not stirred.’“
James Bond Jokes for Kids
- “Why did James Bond bring a pencil to the party? Because he’s always ready to draw attention!“
- “Why don’t Bond and his friends ever play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding from a secret agent!“
- “What do you call a Bond who loves to swim? A splash agent!“
- “Why does Bond carry a notebook? Because he’s always jotting down his ‘007-missions.’“
- “What’s Bond’s favorite type of cake? ‘Bond-cake!’“
- “Why did Bond bring a ladder to work? He wanted to climb the secret agent ranks!“
- “How do you know Bond is on a mission? He’s always ‘on the move’ – literally!“
- “What’s Bond’s favorite car? A fast one!“
- “Why did James Bond stop drinking soda? He didn’t want to get shaken up!“
- “What do you get when Bond falls into a snowbank? A ‘Bond-cicle!’“
- “Why did Bond go to the jungle? He was looking for a ‘secret mission’ in the wild!“
- “Why does Bond always eat with a fork? Because it’s his ‘007-dining tool.’“
- “What did Bond say to the waiter? ‘I’ll take my food shaken, not stirred!’“
- “Why did James Bond become a chef? Because he’s good at ‘serving up’ danger!“
- “What does Bond wear to bed? A ‘tuxedo pajamas’ set!“
- “What did Bond do when he saw a dog wearing a tuxedo? He said, ‘That’s a ‘007-pup!’“
- “Why does Bond always win at chess? Because he’s always three moves ahead of you!“
- “What’s Bond’s favorite exercise? Mission impossible ‘007 crunches!’“
- “What did Bond use to solve the puzzle? His ‘007-brainpower!’“
- “Why did Bond bring a toothbrush to the mission? Because he’s always ready for a ‘clean getaway!’“
Best Picks:
- “Why did Bond bring a pencil to the party? Because he’s always ready to draw attention!“
- “Why did Bond bring a ladder to work? He wanted to climb the secret agent ranks!“
- “What do you get when Bond falls into a snowbank? A ‘Bond-cicle!’“
James Bond Flirting Quotes
- “Bond’s idea of flirting? ‘Would you like your coffee shaken, or stirred… with a side of danger?’“
- “Bond’s favorite pickup line: ‘Do you come here often? Or should I follow you on a secret mission?’“
- “Bond says, ‘You don’t need a license to thrill, but I’ll gladly give you one!’“
- “Bond’s flirting technique: ‘Is it hot in here, or is it just our chemistry?’“
- “Bond’s favorite compliment? ‘You’re the most captivating thing I’ve ever seen, after my martini.’“
- “Bond’s flirting style? ’I don’t need to chase you. You’re already in my sights.’“
- “Bond doesn’t ask for dates, he issues invites to his next mission.“
- “Bond doesn’t say ‘I love you,’ he says, ‘You’re the only one I’ll trust with my secrets.’“
- “Bond’s pick-up line for a dinner date: ‘Shall we dine, or should I just sweep you off your feet?’“
- “Bond on flirting: ‘If you’re as good at this as I am, we might just save the world together.’“
- “Bond’s flirting line: ‘Are you an undercover agent? Because you’re stealing my heart.’“
- “Bond says, ‘You don’t need to be a double agent to get my attention.’“
- “Bond’s secret to a great date? ‘A martini, some danger, and a lot of chemistry.’“
- “Bond says, ‘I’m not just here to impress you. I’m here to sweep you off your feet.’“
- “Bond’s idea of a romantic evening: ‘A candlelit dinner with a side of mystery.’“
- “Bond on flirting: ‘You don’t need to seduce me, darling. You already have my attention.’“
- “Bond’s flirting is simple: ‘I’m good at taking risks – how about you?’“
- “Bond says, ‘Are you looking for a partner in crime? Because I’m always ready for a mission.’“
- “Bond on love: ‘I don’t fall in love – I infiltrate it.’“
- “Bond’s dating rule: ‘I only date those who can keep up with my lifestyle – and my humor!’“
Best Picks:
- “Bond says, ‘You don’t need a license to thrill, but I’ll gladly give you one!’“
- “Bond’s favorite pickup line: ‘Do you come here often? Or should I follow you on a secret mission?’“
- “Bond says, ‘Are you an undercover agent? Because you’re stealing my heart.’“
